THE STATE OF MY HEART
State of my Heart
(True Story)
Funny how love kept me trying even when my heart get shattered and It feels like I'm losing my mind.......
I can't help but blame myself for our relationship was based on the lies I told....
I love her from the start but I told her all I want is "friendship" , I was afraid of professing my affection to a stranger, for all I know she can be one of those girls, I get to know her and my affection grew stronger, I fall deeply inlove, an unconditional love and affection.
I become her friend and a secret lover, little did I know my heart is taking over from my mind, time passes and when I couldn't hold it any longer, I pour out my heart and told her I want more, I want something deeper than just friendship, I want more, just when I felt I know her enough.....
It started as a joke, then she realise I am serious, unfortunately for me, she didn't feel the same way, sometimes I bottle up my feelings and make jokes of it, but the truth is, it's killing me inside.
The love I'm feeling, I've never felt before, but the relationship I want to build is just driving us apart.
I want to give her what she can't receive from me, I love her when I know I might break her heart, I wish I could turn of the feelings but my selfish interest and greediness won't allow it even if I can....
I know we might break up eventually but I have the belief things will work out and even if it doesn't, we will separate on good terms, no harm done to both parties because the love I want to share with her is one of which she has never experienced....
I tried so hard to show my care, but she's not buying, I made so many mistakes, as we fall apart she felt a deeper bond with someone close to me, she begin to lie to my me and I start losing my trust in her, she said things that drives me insane but I try my best to bottle up my feelings, the more I keep it to myself, the more it hurts, I felt alone, "anhedonia" the state I never thought I'd find myself, everything I do reminds me of her, I can't help it, but what can I say, I feel like I already lost her.
All the promises I made becomes hard to fulfill but I try my best to do so through the people we know, I still care and watch over her even though she doesn't know, but I wish I can do all that directly like I used to.
Maybe if I had made my intentions clear from the start things would have been different, maybe if I was there and she is here, things might be different.
My heart is shattered and in a place of discord, I don't know where to go from here or how to proceed, the only thing I know is what I feel for her that I feel for no one else.
I hope we can start over without the lies and secrets, perhaps we can build a better relationship, perhaps we still have a chance.
Funny how love kept me trying even when my heart get shattered and It feels like I'm losing my mind.......
I can't help but blame myself for our relationship was based on the lies I told....
I love her from the start but I told her all I want is "friendship" , I was afraid of professing my affection to a stranger, for all I know she can be one of those girls, I get to know her and my affection grew stronger, I fall deeply inlove, an unconditional love and affection.
I become her friend and a secret lover, little did I know my heart is taking over from my mind, time passes and when I couldn't hold it any longer, I pour out my heart and told her I want more, I want something deeper than just friendship, I want more, just when I felt I know her enough.....
It started as a joke, then she realise I am serious, unfortunately for me, she didn't feel the same way, sometimes I bottle up my feelings and make jokes of it, but the truth is, it's killing me inside.
The love I'm feeling, I've never felt before, but the relationship I want to build is just driving us apart.
I want to give her what she can't receive from me, I love her when I know I might break her heart, I wish I could turn of the feelings but my selfish interest and greediness won't allow it even if I can....
I know we might break up eventually but I have the belief things will work out and even if it doesn't, we will separate on good terms, no harm done to both parties because the love I want to share with her is one of which she has never experienced....
I tried so hard to show my care, but she's not buying, I made so many mistakes, as we fall apart she felt a deeper bond with someone close to me, she begin to lie to my me and I start losing my trust in her, she said things that drives me insane but I try my best to bottle up my feelings, the more I keep it to myself, the more it hurts, I felt alone, "anhedonia" the state I never thought I'd find myself, everything I do reminds me of her, I can't help it, but what can I say, I feel like I already lost her.
All the promises I made becomes hard to fulfill but I try my best to do so through the people we know, I still care and watch over her even though she doesn't know, but I wish I can do all that directly like I used to.
Maybe if I had made my intentions clear from the start things would have been different, maybe if I was there and she is here, things might be different.
My heart is shattered and in a place of discord, I don't know where to go from here or how to proceed, the only thing I know is what I feel for her that I feel for no one else.
I hope we can start over without the lies and secrets, perhaps we can build a better relationship, perhaps we still have a chance.
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